To him.......

My heart aches very very badly even as I type this....
It hurts so much...

I'm so sorry... though I do not know what I did wrong.......
If what I did was wrong... I guess...
I dont know what a friend would do....

I've cried until my whole collar is soaked in tears...

It hurts... IT HURTS!!!!! my heart hurts like never before.. I do not know why....

I kept asking God for a sign that he never intended to treat me as how i did to him... and God kept returning back answers.... but I just couldn believe it...
Till today...

Best friends? He never intended it to be that way... nor did he ever wanted it to be that way..

It took somebody else to tell me that...

Orange shirt?
Pair of black spectacles?
Other people's gossip and rumours?
Is that enough to shake the friendship between best friends?

Now, let me ask you.. What would Jesus do?
What would He do if He were you?
What would He do if He were me?

Are you afraid? I've known you to be afraid of nothing....
Strong and resiliant, you've braved so many obstacles and survived...

Or is it me?...
Was it my fault that I cared so much for you?
Was it my fault that I loved you like a brother?
Was it my fault taht I stood by you through thick and thin?
WAS IF MY FAULT THAT I FELL FOR YOU? ... and even when I changed... even when I changed... the gap can never be reconciled?....

My heart reeled in pain when I hurt the onslaught of things that I never thought could possible be coming from you.... but on another hand... it did...

I told you my pains and my sorrows... you took them till you could not take anymore...
But you never told me your hurts, your feelings....

All this while... you suffered in silence, till eventually, it overcame you...

Dont you know that you have a special place in my heart? A place where best friends only can stay... but you left.....
I still thought you were still there, when you were not...

Yes. I'm not fit to be your best friend.... But I did what was worthy of a best friend...
I stood by you in your darkest times...
I gave you my best, I gave you what I would not give to a normal person...

No wonder you stopped encouraging me
No wonder you tried to avoid me
No wonder you couldnt look at me in the eyes...

and all this while...
all this while I still foolish clung onto a dying friendship.....

Timothy... you still are my role model, my brother and my friend...
I still hold on to that glimmer of hope that we could be best friends again one day....
But for now... I release you... though you were never bound

Run free in your newfound freedom...

And I pray and hope that you will turn back and remember me for the best that I did for you...

I will still be there, watching your back, cheering you on in whatever path you choose in life...


Now I know how God feels sometimes...
When He loves His children so much... and yet, they pile up so much things that distant themselves so far from Him...

My heart aches... but at least, I know now.....